Lines

in softball, you play outside in the hot sun usually in a sleeveless top with shorts and high socks. the sun will beat down, and by then end of a season, 99% of the time (unless you fake 'n bake on the side) you have the signature 'softball tan' to go with the noticeable softball callouses on the palms of your catching hand where your index, middle and ring fingers meet your hand. this means that you're tan only on your arms (except for the hand you wear a batting glove on), your knees from where your spandex sliding (under shorts) shorts end to where your high socks begin, and your face; unless you're like me, and actively battle these lines by sunbathing outside on a regular basis. so far it has been working up until today. i was laying outside in my front yard in a bathing suit when i realized how tired i was. so, while my mom was out, i plugged in my new sound-proof ipod headphones and cranked up some classic rock while i closed my eyes. 10 seconds later i feel a bug on my back. i bend my arm back to swipe it away, and leaving my hand on my back, i fall asleep. i wake up 4 hours later with my mom screaming my name, and the white imprint of my hand sunburned into my back. it hurts like hell, and to make matters worse, I'm crashing at my friends house. while i was napping on her couch, she took a picture of it. I have no idea how she's planning to extort me with this picture, but chances are that if you see some picture somewhere floating around on the Internet, it might be me.

before i went over to my friend's house, i went for a run today. i was feeling overwhelmed, so i grabbed my house keys and took off. i forgot how peaceful running is, and how much i needed a little peacefulness in my life. i ran my usual short mile route around my neighborhood, but i didn't feel like going home, so i ran clear out to the city limits before turning around and walking back. it felt good to run like that. now, of course, since it's been so long since I've run, my calves are killing me and i whistle when i speak, but so what? it was way worth it. :)

must get some sleep. ive gotta stop staying up until 1 am to post!

Current:
song: Divine intervention - Taking Back Sunday
mood: worn down
inspirational quote: "Judge me, and Ill prove you wrong. Tell me what to do, and Ill tell you off. Say I'm not worth it, and watch where i end up. Call em a bitch and Ill show you one. Fuck me over and ill do it to you twice as bad. Call me crazy, but you really have no idea." - anonymous
Funny Quote: "You don't like me and that's ok. there is nothing i can do about it. NEWSFLASHBITCH: I DON'T LIVE TO PLEASE YOU." - anonymous

pce-love-Liv

Visiting

Today i spent 7 hours total in a car. to make it more interesting, i only played 60's, 70's and 80's music through the speakers. i think the newest song to be played was 'Talk dirty to me, by Poison' (1987?) i forget. anyway, i was taking this long ride out to visit said little brother. we stopped at a white castle and the cashier chick looked at us like we were nuts, me and my mom, because we ended up ordering a crave case to bring to him at camp. for those of you who are not familiar with the awesomeness of white castle, a crave case is a cardboard box shaped like a suitcase containing 30 cheeseburgers/hamburgers. don't freak out. white castle makes TEENY TINY burgers, so really eating 3 white castle burgers is the equivalent of eating maybe 1 McDonald's burger. we got the case so we could eat a few for lunch, so that he could have lunch, and the rest could be used to trade with bunk mates for other food and goodies. he traded 4 away for the photo shoot of Meghan fox that took up 2 pages in US magazine. boys are morons. we ended up seeing Public Enemies. aside from it being WAYYY LONG, it was a great movie. they did a great job of covering the movie, and all the characters seemed to fit excellently. i got to see a few former bunk mates from a long time ago, and chat with a few old counselors. it was fun visiting the camp because it is probably the last time I'm going to see it unless i get a job working there when I'm in college.

short post for today. nothing much else has changed int eh past 24 hours...

Current:
song: paradise by the dashboard light - meatloaf
mood: missing someone
inspirational quote: "It's not about who you've known the longest, it's about who came and never left your side." - anonymous
Funny quote: "(415): I set the bag of Cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the Styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
(510): I hope so" - textsfromlastnight

pce-love-Liv

family togetherness

tomorrow (today, i should say) I'm taking the requisite 3 - 4 1/2 hour drive out to the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania to visit my little brother at sleep away camp. i look forward to it for only 3 reasons:
1) he's allowed to go off campus during visiting day, so we're going to go watch whatever bloody horror movie he wants to see. i love a good horror movie once in a while.
2) there's a warehouse that sells fireworks within walking distance from the entrance to the camp. it IS legal to buy fireworks in Pennsylvania, and i need to restock.
3) I went to this camp in 07, and i couldn't go back subsequent years like my awesome bunk mates. this year we're planning a little reunion, so i finally get to see them all again.

I am being slowly suffocated by my family. its nice to get all the attention once in a while, but when the eldest son is absent, the eldest daughter gets the blame for everything... usually my little bro gets blamed for stuff, but can talk his way out of everything because he's not planning on being a role model anytime soon, and by then I've covered my tracks; but with him out of the picture, i have nothing to hide behind. I'm doing double chores, extra schoolwork, and being 'checked up' on every 3 seconds. i used to think he had it easy, but boy was i wrong.

I do miss him for more than just being a scapegoat. I've gotten away with a shitload of stuff over the years, and ill probably screw up again many more times without him being there to cover me. i miss just hanging out with him. i used to be able to walk into his room, and he'd take one look at my face and ask me what was wrong. I could really use that right now. I'm screwing up minorly, but if someone put together all my minor screw ups, well... id like not to think about that right now... usually i can call up best guy friend, (bassist) and like, 20 minutes later we'd be sitting on the floor of his living room drinking sodas and giving each other life advice, but he's away at camp. :(

i detached myself from my mom long enough to go to a movie with this guy. he asked me out, and i couldn't think of a reason why not, so i said sure. i didn't know what would happen, but i just wasn't feeling it. he was really sweet and shy, but it felt wrong, like he was a relative or something. very weird... first guy to go to a movie with alone since bass-playing friend...

Anyway, I probably should get some sleep since i have to wake up at some hellish hour to go see my bro and its already after midnight!

Current:
song: I hate myself for loving you - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
mood: excited
inspirational quote: "There's a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. but it's not giving up. It's realizing that you just don't need certain people and their crap!" -anonymous
funny quote: "You did WHAT with WHO for HOW MANY skittles?" - CC 07

pce-love-Liv

Warmth

I remember being 5. everything was taller than me, everybody talked better than me, and everywhere looked different. i remember little things like chasing the ice cream truck down the street because he wouldn't stop at our corner. I remember jumping with both feet into every puddle after it rained, no matter how small. I remember creeping out onto the roof above our porch, where you could face the end of the street and watch the sky catch fire as the sun rose, and I remember laying on the hammock on a summer day, perfectly content with the world, tilting my head up so it was warm in the sun. Today i caught the express train the comes before my usual train. i couldn't see any harm in going earlier, so i took it. when i made it through the crowd of early commuters running through grand central terminal, and through the network of subway trains, i found that i had a few minutes before i had to be anywhere; so i sat down on the steps of a building, took my iPod headphones out of my ear, and relaxed. i watched people rushing by me, some disappearing into the building i rested on, so running into traffic to hail taxis, some successfully reading newspapers while walking and talking on the phone. and then i took my eyes off the spinning world and looked to the sky to see the sun rising above the skyscrapers, throwing bright orange and red flames off their glass windows; and i thought about how peaceful it felt for a few minutes. and then i returned to the world, got up, threw my empty coffee cup away and resumed walking.

i got my hair done! it was way overdue. the last time i got my hair professionally cut was LAST June!!! after my classes, i walked down 56Th street to 5Th avenue, and in a black, nondescript building there is an AMAZING hair salon. anything you can think of, they do it. of course, today of all days, one of their elevators was being used by one of the lofts, so i was waiting in the lobby with about 10 other people waiting for it to return, but it could have been worse. i could have had to take the stairs to the 11Th floor. it was a little bit of heaven having my hair washed and cut and dried perfectly while drinking a virgin sea breeze. it felt great being able to let my hair down and have it not in my face at all times. i grew my layers and bangs way out, and they were constantly in my eyes. I NEED to learn how to dry my hair the Way they did it, because it looks fantastic, and it only looks this god for a day until i wash it.

Remember back in kindergarten where everything was simple?how you'd just walk up to somebody and ask them to be their friend, and they'd just say yes? i wish things were that simple now. my friends are starting to concern me. i wasn't here for whatever happened, but now its like our group is split down the middle over something. it better be important (i intend to find out) because we've managed to stick together all of freshman year, and if anything it's made us closer, and we haven't managed to survive 2 1/2 weeks of summer.

I need a break from everything. I've decided to just not charge my phone for a little while. to just live out the rest of this week however I want, not however ANYONE ELSE wants...

Current:
song: What do all the people know - The Monroes
mood: Tired and happy
inspirational quote: '“What are you doing?” I asked the girl in the glass, but she just stood there, waiting for the same answer that would never come.' - Fire and Ice, by Bennett Pivnick
funny quote: "(303): I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight." - textsfromlastnight

pce-love-Liv

Late Night Blues

Ever had a tune stuck in your head that you really didn't mind? something that was familiar and comforting as opposed to annoying repetitive songs that normally get stuck in your head? well that's how i feel now. I have a slow blues rock playing through my head at 2 miles an hour, and i am perfectly fine with that. its like someone slowed to tempo of a Stevie ray Vaughn album, and its reflexive, like running, or drawing. Ive been strumming the tune in my head on my acoustic guitar for the last hour, and its about midnight. i suppose i should really go to sleep, but i cant. tomorrow i have to be up at 6:30 am, to catch a train to grand central station, NYC. I am fully aware of this fact, but i cannot fall asleep. It's a problem in the summer...

Today was the perfect day. i slept in, eventually woke to the occasional cloud blocking the sun from streaming onto my face. lazed around the house all day in a tank top and sweatpants. did my chores, barbecued lunch, and watched clouds drift across the sky until about one. then i went to sports authority and bought a new field hockey stick to replace my 30-year-old wooden stick. its about time, i just never felt up to replacing the thing. it had character. you could feel where I'd worn the handle away, exactly where my mother had worn the handle away. the exact picture of my two hands will forever be imprinted upon the wooden handle where the medical-tape grip was worn through. it was heavier than the other sticks, now made of fiberglass, and oh-so-breakable, and hit harder. I'm going to miss it, but it was time. i hate fitting in like that. everyone used to line up their sticks in the locker room and the only stick that stood out was mine because it was wood while the others were not. so many people had the same stick, that they often took the wrong one home from practice only to discover the next day that it wasn't theirs. i hate that kind of conformity. I'm going to change my new stick. perhaps it isn't much that a little spray paint cant fix. we'll see. ill upload pictures when i get around to doing something about it...

that is the end of my short deep thought of today, as i return to my guitar and the sweet lonely sound of my late night blues...

Current:
song: Pride and Joy - Stevie Ray Vaughn
mood: relaxed
inspirational quote: "Everyone sees who i appear to be, but only a few know the real me. You can only see what i choose to show, there's so much more you just don't know." - anonymous
funny quote: "WENCH - noun; a medieval pirate slut." - anonymous

pce-love-Liv

Is It July Already?

I am so ready for the heat to end. for the last month we've had on and off rain and sun, and this week, the weather finally decided to act like its summer... just in time to almost give then entire team heatstroke. we had a game today for summer softball and we kicked serious ass! but it was WAY too hot out! playing catcher is normally a somewhat relaxing position because lets face it, I'm just playing catch with the pitcher! the short stop has to direct the infield, the center fielder has to direct the outfield, but i just get to play catch. its fun unless, like today you get a day when the sun shows its fury, and beats down onto the dusty diamond. its living hell playing catcher while under 10 pounds of gear squatting in the dust behind home plate. at any given breeze, you have to squint against swirling clouds of sand while you can feel beads of perspiration slide over your cheekbones. it is an excruciatingly horrible experience on a hot dry July day. on the bright side, some old friends came to the game, and it was great to see them because they're in college, and can only come back home on big holidays like winter break and summer vacation. the last time i saw them was over winter break when they came to Monday night softball practices in the gym, and worked us through our month long training.

My 'garage band' finally found a drummer so we can actually be a full band now! we have me on rhythm guitar, a friend on lead guitar, another friend singing (they wish to remain nameless), my old bassist friend, and this other guy we found for drums. we managed to cover a bunch of songs from several different genres of music as well as write a couple songs as well. our covered set list goes as follows: Blackbird - the Beatles; Crushcrushcrush - Paramore; Boulevard of broken dreams - Green Day; Wasted - LP; paradise city - Guns 'n roses; Anthem part 2 - Blink 182; and Outta my way - Damone. I know you haven't heard much about bassist-guy in a while, but we're still friends, and getting closer. i was over at his house for an alleged pizza/popcorn/action movie marathon night and his parents were away. technically we weren't supposed to be at the house, but we didn't really care. then his sister showed up and gave us a choice: go up to his room to watch movies, or stick around for the party she was going to throw. i suppose it was nice of her to offer us a choice in the first place considering she is older, but we chose to stay upstairs until people actually showed up and then we went downstairs. I don't remember much after that. the last thing i remember clearly was that we were the championship beer-pong team. i got dropped off at my house by the designated driver at around 1 in the morning. all in all, it was fun. =)

the fourth of July this year was just as awesome as other years. more in some ways than others. i took the train down to NYC with a couple of friends and we caught the subway to battery park for the free Conor oberst concert! it was great! then we watched fireworks on the Hudson from the roof of a random apartment building. it was amazing! then, as usual i set off a bunch of smaller fireworks! =)

in other news: i started taking classes at the art students league of new york! two days a week i will be taking the train downtown to take welding and metal-sculpting classes! =D it is SO cool! i love the feel of metalworking. the feeling that even though i am melting steel at 6000 degrees right in front of my face, i cant feel the heat coming off of it. from behind the green tinted welder's mask, all sound and temperature get blocked. you watch as silently the metal glows so brightly it turns white and then watch it cool into the shape you created. its beautiful. finally my parents trust me enough to let me take the train and subways by myself, and it feels great, being able to walk through grand central like: 'yeah. i know exactly where I'm going. try and stop me'

hmm... have to change something about my post format. its getting kind of old...

Current:
song: Outta my way - Damone
mood: content
inspirational quote: "I guess you are right. I am afraid. I am afraid to put my guard down. I am afraid that if you know all i am, you won't feel the same. And I am afraid that once my barrier is defeated, and i am comfortable, that you'll walk away." - anonymous
funny quote: "Everything happens for a reason... except clowns... i mean, seriously. WTF?" - anonymous

pce-love-Liv

SUMMER!

holy crap! I HAVENT POSTED IN FOREVER!!!! thank you, all of you who decided to put up with this bullshit from me, and told me to keep posting! you are awesome! i am a total jackass because i have absolutely no real excuse for not blogging in forever. (please forgive my language here, but im kinda pissed at myself) in other news: ITS SUMMER! im out of school, and am NO LONGER A FRESHMAN!! WHOOHOO! sophomore year, here i come! school sports were ok, softball season was fun. i think we came in first in our league. =D summer ball started up last week, and i have a game later today! my report card is SUPPOSED to be coming today, and frankly im a little scared. i dont know exactly what was going through my mind when i checked the little box on my transcriipt that said i would stay with the language latin throughout highschool, but i regret it. i dont think i did too well on that test... regents test scores are coming back, and ive been freaking ou about my biology grade. i want to do good so i can take AP bio without worrying. the fourth of july is tomorrow, and i have an ENTIRE bag of fireworks in he basement all ready for some friends of mine to come over and light! =) so please forgive me, and this summer with all my free time, i will be posting more. <=)
pce-love-Liv

post-midterm syndrome

This is the name my friends and i came up with for the long, seemingly never-ending weeks that follow the midterms. it feels like the weeks are dragging now, and not flying like they were for the rest of the year. Ive been REALLY, FREAKISHLY bad about blogging, and i fear some of you have given up on me! <=[ I'm VERY sorry about that, and i will set about earning you guys back. =] In other news, study hall is m savior. I have a problem with leaving things to the last minute, on purpose, or by accident, and my wonderful 2nd period study hall helps me correct anything due later in the day. its the perfect time to cram for a test, or finish biology homework, or translate Latin. Now that the 3rd quarter of the year is over, I'm not going to rely on my safety net of a study hall as much anymore. I'm setting a goal to do everything I'm assigned at home. I may turn out like a friend of mine who spends at least 2 hours on her homework everyday,but if it kills me, my grades HAVE to DRASTICALLY improve. I'm aiming for National honor society, and my current grades from last quarter are simply NOT going to cut it. =] update on the band? we're not going anywhere anytime soon. the second we get our butts in gear, i will let you guys know, but we're at a kind of standstill. <=/ we've spent more time GOING to concerts together than actually playing any covers, let along anything original. it also doesn't help that our bassist lives half an hour away, and our drummer is either invisible, or non-existent. SPORTS START MONDAY. finally i can emerge from my winter shell. winter, as i've said, is generally my 'off season' i don't play on a winter sports teams, and i generally recede into the background. in the spring, I re-establish communication with the rest of earth, and train for sports, throw myself into my studies to keep my grades up for sports, and hang out with my friends more. everything good usually happens around now, so i hope to be blogging MUCH more. spring gives me this energy. I cant really describe it. its electric. My absolute favorite thing in spring is when it's twilight, and you can feel that its going to POUR because the air has that special smell? I love running in the rain. I could be outside FOREVER when its raining like that in spring. currently crushing my pre-spring excitement is (hopefully) the remains of the last snowstorm of the year, still lingering, and casting a dark shadow over the softball diamond. I do promise to try to blog more often!!! <=]
pce-love-Liv

Slow Week

This was a pretty slow week for me. I just haven't been very good about posting. i try to remember to post! I read people's blogs almost every day, but i hardly every comment or post. <=] This week was my February break, and i was practically living on what i like to call 'college time' for the first couple of days. I was up until like 3am on facebook fb chatting with all my friends who are in college. it was fun catching up with them 'cause our schedules are soo different now. Sports start up in 16 days, and i cant wait!!!! that means that there are only two more softball 'open gym practices' before the real season starts. its going to be really, really weird this year because a whole bunch of people are deciding that they dont want to play softball for our HS. Its like, ive been playing on the same team as these people since 3rd grade, and now they're not going to be there. its going to take ALOT of getting used to. Its also a problem because two of the people who aren't playing were our two strongest pitchers, so our pitcher-choices boil down to a couple of people who can pitch 'alright' for a couple of innings, and this one girl who really hates me; this is going to be interesting... in other news, my birthday is coming up. =] im really excited for that. And the time for filling out the enormous stack of papers for working permits has arrived. this year i can actually work for more than minimum wage! lol. that's about it. =]
pce-love-Liv

Back

Ok, midterms are over, cramming is done, and i am officially back! =] I kno it's been WAYY too long, and i really apologize for that, but the tests and work were going out of control, and then i was sick for a while, and it totally knocked me out of rhythm. Im back in a new and improved state. =] im putting more effort into my music studies, im actually writing a few things on the piano since i hurt my hand for guitar. i spent so long playing my guitar that my fingers actually started to bleed, so i'll be out of commission on that for a few days. ive been doing all my homework, and this semester i have not one but TWO study halls replacing the pointless computers class and jewelry, which im actually sad to see go. i didnt actually finish my last project there though, so i can come back whenever i want and work on it. =] technically the i wasnt supposed to be using some of the techniques i used on it in jewelry 1 anyway. it was more of a jewelry 3 level project, but its great all the same. In my latin class, since my teacher never really spends time teaching us things (she usually just gives us a confusing packet and tells us to go work) my friend has been teaching me japanese. I really suck at it right now, but give me a week... lol. latin is actually making more sense the longer i stay in that class, despite the fact that the teacher never actually teaches. during our open gym softball practice a couple of my crazy junior friends were having conversations in spanish, and i found that i could actually converse in my dead language. our short broken sentences were somewhat interchangeable between the two languages anyway. i think we were talking about how badly we were throwing since it was near the end of a 3 hour grueling practice. iam defessus, et non possum bene iacere. its crappy, but at least im getting somewhere. spring sports start in exactly 25 days!!! im counting them down. winter is my off season technically, despite my indoor clinics and such. I never play a team sport in winter, and focus more on my studies and midterms, and now that the weather is amazing, and the snow is gone, and the wind is kicking up spring is fighting for the right to have our first practice outdoors. =] i need an outlet for my energy. sports usually fills it, but during the off-season: no sports. lol our band hasn't had another practice yet, but we're working on it. we've managed to put up with each other for long enough now to try and get down to business and start really playing with each other. hmm. what else is new? my birthday is coming up =] i cant wait. its going to be an awesome party!!! =D i think that's about it. im going to relax tomorrow, do all my hw during study hall, ace a test, and go chill with a bunch of friends at the opening night of friday the 13th. =] HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYBODY!!! =]
pce-love-Liv