Monday, July 20, 2009

100th Post! (Among Other Things)

First of all, I have to say WHOOHOO! Ive reached my 100th post. I haven't had alot of time for posting this past week, so let me catch you up.

In welding I have finished my first little sculpture, and although the lighting really sucks in this picture, I have no other pictures, and no way of taking any more for a few days, and i want to know what you think, so let me know! The tree and it's branches are made out of twisted iron, while the gold tips of the branches are bronze and flux. the little structure to the left is made out of stainless steel and has a little hold plasma-cut through as if to give you a view of the tree without being able to reach it. I'm exceptionally proud that i FINALLY managed to weld the branches onto the tree without burning my fingers all the way off. =]

In softball we've played kings bridge and ossning. we beat both of them! =] the kings bridge field was the same one we played on last summer. its a small, sad, but proud lot field next to a highway in the Bronx. the dugouts have tin roofs and have holes where you can push pebbles through and watch them clink down a small hill to the freeway, but it's a homey place. I like it, despite everyone on my team freaking out about it's conditions. I was warming up the pitcher in the bullpen and a wild pitch went over the fence i stood and watched it disappear under car after car as until it fell into a drain. i actually have a photo of one of the dugouts and home plate. It was taken a long time ago, so the dugouts are blue. now they're green.

Ossning was a home game. I was out in left field for most of it. it was very uneventful. since nothing was happening, my coach took me out and put a rookie out to learn the position. I'm moving up into another league next year, and she's going to be filling my spot. i relaxed after that. I lounged on a bucket of balls next to a returning alumni and we talked about random things for the remaining part of the game.

When we got home, i felt like running. I had to get out of my house, so i threw on a black t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts, stuck my iPod into my pocket and tied my sneakers on my way out the door. I blasted some rock tune and ran, focusing on keeping my breathing at marathon tempo. After a while I gave up on trying to run around a track and I ran through the highlands neighborhood. It was the time of day between dinner and sunset and there were people everywhere. Old people jogging at a mile an hour, yuppie couples wearing matching tennis outfits walking a toy sized dog, college students running cross country, and groups of kids bouncing a basketball, or tossing around a baseball. it was the time of day where everyone also felt the need to be doing something. I cant even remember how far i ran, but i ran through 17 songs on m iPod before my twitching muscles carried me back up the steps to my house just as the sun started to disappear.

I cooked myself breakfast for dinner and made a strawberry-apricot-banana shake. it was great. i find it funny that i cook better than my cousins who are fully grown and have their own apartments. Dorm life in college will be interesting...

Ive been messing around on my guitar alot, trying to figure out hotel California by the eagles when i heard some new bands on the radio. Note- these all came from different radio stations, and their all VERY different types of music, but from what i heard i like them. have you heard of them, and can you recommend any songs?:

The Darkness
The Coral
All Time Low

Summer is running out for me. I leave for a 2 week vacation with my dad in 2 weeks and I have to complete my summer assignments because when i get back from that, I have 5 days until pre-season starts for field hockey, and then my life is officially over. My mom has been all over me to do my summer schoolwork so it seems like i only have a few hours of ME time left. I have 4 hours in the city with nobody around and no parents on Wednesdays and Thursdays, so i figure ill walk around, get some food, see some sights. hell, Ill ride the subway for 4 hours all over the place if it means i can be alone. I just need some alone time every once in a while. I have to remember to stop in the grand central marketplace, Lilac chocolates makes the best fudge and my little brother is coming home Friday! =D

That's about it for now...

song: silence - Blindside
mood: confused
inspirational quote: "I don't forgive people because I'm weak, i forgive them because i am strong enough to realize people make mistakes, that people change, and that one action shouldn't define a person for their whole life."
funny quote: "I DIDN'T DO IT! Oh, wait, THAT... Yes,I did do THAT."


Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Really, most girls don't like dirt. the stereotypical girl loves pink, flowers, dresses, rainbows, and dolls. and while i hold no particular grudge against any of these things, i am not the stereotypical girl. i purposefully choose the most difficult tasks. I weld. I play electric guitar. I play football. I play catcher in softball. I play goalie in FH. so today, when i come home from my softball game, and I'm caked in about 5 layers of mud, dirt and grass, my friend, being a completely stereotypical girl freaks out and practically throws me into my own bathroom. I LOVE getting all dirty like that. I'm always diving for stuff, and sliding into stuff and launching myself at my brothers, and (stupidly) throwing firecrackers near mud puddles so they throw fountains of muck into the air. don't get me wrong, there is nothing quite like the feeling of getting clean after being dirty, and i detest being dirty for long amounts of time, but in my mind, being dirty shows that you put effort into something, and whether the dirt is a result of failure or success, the fact that you showed enough effort to get that dirty is respectful. and there you have my revelations of dirt.

We got our asses kicked in softball today. we tried, but we just couldn't make it. we shouldn't feel so bad though, because the team we faced is #1 in the league and we were tied for more than half the game, but still. it's disappointing. old friends who graduated last year and played varsity softball came back to help with the summer ball. it's fun to see everyone again. i missed them. its a funny thing, playing on a sports team. I've played softball from little league in 3rd grade to summer travel softball and i know so many people who i never would have known before. i have friends who are in their second year of college who i played tournaments with/against, and had the same coach for little league with. we're a small little community. :)

after i got my braces off last month, i was given a retainer and the usual lecture about how wearing it would prevent blah-blah-blah. honestly i stopped listening after the first 3 seconds. Ive heard the freaking speech before, and my orthodontist could talk forever. like, seriously, i could stop him mid sentence and be like: Hey? y'know? I've been listening to you talk for 10 minutes and i have no idea what you just said. seriously. give it a rest. anyway, i lost the retainer... I've only been wearing it every few days and i put it somewhere last Friday and now i cant find it. this is really not good. i have an appointment Monday... =P

i walked over to a friends house yesterday and we got bored so we grabbed our guitars and wrote a song.its not completely finished yet, but its getting there. when its done ill record it and put it on here so you guys can give us some feedback. its got a sort of hard-rock feel, with a rebellious attitude. fun stuff. then we just drank an entire bottle of champagne and i crashed of her couch while house re-runs played in the background. which is why i didn't post yesterday... <:)

that just about sums up my last couple of days :)

song: Lazy generation - the F-ups
mood: exhausted but happy
inspirational quote: "Life is short, break the rules. forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never for one second regret anything that once made you smile." - anonymous
funny quote: "HIGH SCHOOL: noun - the point in your life where you realize that everything CAN get worse and everyone IS out to get you." - anonymous


Monday, July 13, 2009


in softball, you play outside in the hot sun usually in a sleeveless top with shorts and high socks. the sun will beat down, and by then end of a season, 99% of the time (unless you fake 'n bake on the side) you have the signature 'softball tan' to go with the noticeable softball callouses on the palms of your catching hand where your index, middle and ring fingers meet your hand. this means that you're tan only on your arms (except for the hand you wear a batting glove on), your knees from where your spandex sliding (under shorts) shorts end to where your high socks begin, and your face; unless you're like me, and actively battle these lines by sunbathing outside on a regular basis. so far it has been working up until today. i was laying outside in my front yard in a bathing suit when i realized how tired i was. so, while my mom was out, i plugged in my new sound-proof ipod headphones and cranked up some classic rock while i closed my eyes. 10 seconds later i feel a bug on my back. i bend my arm back to swipe it away, and leaving my hand on my back, i fall asleep. i wake up 4 hours later with my mom screaming my name, and the white imprint of my hand sunburned into my back. it hurts like hell, and to make matters worse, I'm crashing at my friends house. while i was napping on her couch, she took a picture of it. I have no idea how she's planning to extort me with this picture, but chances are that if you see some picture somewhere floating around on the Internet, it might be me.

before i went over to my friend's house, i went for a run today. i was feeling overwhelmed, so i grabbed my house keys and took off. i forgot how peaceful running is, and how much i needed a little peacefulness in my life. i ran my usual short mile route around my neighborhood, but i didn't feel like going home, so i ran clear out to the city limits before turning around and walking back. it felt good to run like that. now, of course, since it's been so long since I've run, my calves are killing me and i whistle when i speak, but so what? it was way worth it. :)

must get some sleep. ive gotta stop staying up until 1 am to post!

song: Divine intervention - Taking Back Sunday
mood: worn down
inspirational quote: "Judge me, and Ill prove you wrong. Tell me what to do, and Ill tell you off. Say I'm not worth it, and watch where i end up. Call em a bitch and Ill show you one. Fuck me over and ill do it to you twice as bad. Call me crazy, but you really have no idea." - anonymous
Funny Quote: "You don't like me and that's ok. there is nothing i can do about it. NEWSFLASHBITCH: I DON'T LIVE TO PLEASE YOU." - anonymous


Saturday, July 11, 2009


Today i spent 7 hours total in a car. to make it more interesting, i only played 60's, 70's and 80's music through the speakers. i think the newest song to be played was 'Talk dirty to me, by Poison' (1987?) i forget. anyway, i was taking this long ride out to visit said little brother. we stopped at a white castle and the cashier chick looked at us like we were nuts, me and my mom, because we ended up ordering a crave case to bring to him at camp. for those of you who are not familiar with the awesomeness of white castle, a crave case is a cardboard box shaped like a suitcase containing 30 cheeseburgers/hamburgers. don't freak out. white castle makes TEENY TINY burgers, so really eating 3 white castle burgers is the equivalent of eating maybe 1 McDonald's burger. we got the case so we could eat a few for lunch, so that he could have lunch, and the rest could be used to trade with bunk mates for other food and goodies. he traded 4 away for the photo shoot of Meghan fox that took up 2 pages in US magazine. boys are morons. we ended up seeing Public Enemies. aside from it being WAYYY LONG, it was a great movie. they did a great job of covering the movie, and all the characters seemed to fit excellently. i got to see a few former bunk mates from a long time ago, and chat with a few old counselors. it was fun visiting the camp because it is probably the last time I'm going to see it unless i get a job working there when I'm in college.

short post for today. nothing much else has changed int eh past 24 hours...

song: paradise by the dashboard light - meatloaf
mood: missing someone
inspirational quote: "It's not about who you've known the longest, it's about who came and never left your side." - anonymous
Funny quote: "(415): I set the bag of Cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the Styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
(510): I hope so" - textsfromlastnight


family togetherness

tomorrow (today, i should say) I'm taking the requisite 3 - 4 1/2 hour drive out to the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania to visit my little brother at sleep away camp. i look forward to it for only 3 reasons:
1) he's allowed to go off campus during visiting day, so we're going to go watch whatever bloody horror movie he wants to see. i love a good horror movie once in a while.
2) there's a warehouse that sells fireworks within walking distance from the entrance to the camp. it IS legal to buy fireworks in Pennsylvania, and i need to restock.
3) I went to this camp in 07, and i couldn't go back subsequent years like my awesome bunk mates. this year we're planning a little reunion, so i finally get to see them all again.

I am being slowly suffocated by my family. its nice to get all the attention once in a while, but when the eldest son is absent, the eldest daughter gets the blame for everything... usually my little bro gets blamed for stuff, but can talk his way out of everything because he's not planning on being a role model anytime soon, and by then I've covered my tracks; but with him out of the picture, i have nothing to hide behind. I'm doing double chores, extra schoolwork, and being 'checked up' on every 3 seconds. i used to think he had it easy, but boy was i wrong.

I do miss him for more than just being a scapegoat. I've gotten away with a shitload of stuff over the years, and ill probably screw up again many more times without him being there to cover me. i miss just hanging out with him. i used to be able to walk into his room, and he'd take one look at my face and ask me what was wrong. I could really use that right now. I'm screwing up minorly, but if someone put together all my minor screw ups, well... id like not to think about that right now... usually i can call up best guy friend, (bassist) and like, 20 minutes later we'd be sitting on the floor of his living room drinking sodas and giving each other life advice, but he's away at camp. :(

i detached myself from my mom long enough to go to a movie with this guy. he asked me out, and i couldn't think of a reason why not, so i said sure. i didn't know what would happen, but i just wasn't feeling it. he was really sweet and shy, but it felt wrong, like he was a relative or something. very weird... first guy to go to a movie with alone since bass-playing friend...

Anyway, I probably should get some sleep since i have to wake up at some hellish hour to go see my bro and its already after midnight!

song: I hate myself for loving you - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
mood: excited
inspirational quote: "There's a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. but it's not giving up. It's realizing that you just don't need certain people and their crap!" -anonymous
funny quote: "You did WHAT with WHO for HOW MANY skittles?" - CC 07


Friday, July 10, 2009


I remember being 5. everything was taller than me, everybody talked better than me, and everywhere looked different. i remember little things like chasing the ice cream truck down the street because he wouldn't stop at our corner. I remember jumping with both feet into every puddle after it rained, no matter how small. I remember creeping out onto the roof above our porch, where you could face the end of the street and watch the sky catch fire as the sun rose, and I remember laying on the hammock on a summer day, perfectly content with the world, tilting my head up so it was warm in the sun. Today i caught the express train the comes before my usual train. i couldn't see any harm in going earlier, so i took it. when i made it through the crowd of early commuters running through grand central terminal, and through the network of subway trains, i found that i had a few minutes before i had to be anywhere; so i sat down on the steps of a building, took my iPod headphones out of my ear, and relaxed. i watched people rushing by me, some disappearing into the building i rested on, so running into traffic to hail taxis, some successfully reading newspapers while walking and talking on the phone. and then i took my eyes off the spinning world and looked to the sky to see the sun rising above the skyscrapers, throwing bright orange and red flames off their glass windows; and i thought about how peaceful it felt for a few minutes. and then i returned to the world, got up, threw my empty coffee cup away and resumed walking.

i got my hair done! it was way overdue. the last time i got my hair professionally cut was LAST June!!! after my classes, i walked down 56Th street to 5Th avenue, and in a black, nondescript building there is an AMAZING hair salon. anything you can think of, they do it. of course, today of all days, one of their elevators was being used by one of the lofts, so i was waiting in the lobby with about 10 other people waiting for it to return, but it could have been worse. i could have had to take the stairs to the 11Th floor. it was a little bit of heaven having my hair washed and cut and dried perfectly while drinking a virgin sea breeze. it felt great being able to let my hair down and have it not in my face at all times. i grew my layers and bangs way out, and they were constantly in my eyes. I NEED to learn how to dry my hair the Way they did it, because it looks fantastic, and it only looks this god for a day until i wash it.

Remember back in kindergarten where everything was simple?how you'd just walk up to somebody and ask them to be their friend, and they'd just say yes? i wish things were that simple now. my friends are starting to concern me. i wasn't here for whatever happened, but now its like our group is split down the middle over something. it better be important (i intend to find out) because we've managed to stick together all of freshman year, and if anything it's made us closer, and we haven't managed to survive 2 1/2 weeks of summer.

I need a break from everything. I've decided to just not charge my phone for a little while. to just live out the rest of this week however I want, not however ANYONE ELSE wants...

song: What do all the people know - The Monroes
mood: Tired and happy
inspirational quote: '“What are you doing?” I asked the girl in the glass, but she just stood there, waiting for the same answer that would never come.' - Fire and Ice, by Bennett Pivnick
funny quote: "(303): I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight." - textsfromlastnight


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Late Night Blues

Ever had a tune stuck in your head that you really didn't mind? something that was familiar and comforting as opposed to annoying repetitive songs that normally get stuck in your head? well that's how i feel now. I have a slow blues rock playing through my head at 2 miles an hour, and i am perfectly fine with that. its like someone slowed to tempo of a Stevie ray Vaughn album, and its reflexive, like running, or drawing. Ive been strumming the tune in my head on my acoustic guitar for the last hour, and its about midnight. i suppose i should really go to sleep, but i cant. tomorrow i have to be up at 6:30 am, to catch a train to grand central station, NYC. I am fully aware of this fact, but i cannot fall asleep. It's a problem in the summer...

Today was the perfect day. i slept in, eventually woke to the occasional cloud blocking the sun from streaming onto my face. lazed around the house all day in a tank top and sweatpants. did my chores, barbecued lunch, and watched clouds drift across the sky until about one. then i went to sports authority and bought a new field hockey stick to replace my 30-year-old wooden stick. its about time, i just never felt up to replacing the thing. it had character. you could feel where I'd worn the handle away, exactly where my mother had worn the handle away. the exact picture of my two hands will forever be imprinted upon the wooden handle where the medical-tape grip was worn through. it was heavier than the other sticks, now made of fiberglass, and oh-so-breakable, and hit harder. I'm going to miss it, but it was time. i hate fitting in like that. everyone used to line up their sticks in the locker room and the only stick that stood out was mine because it was wood while the others were not. so many people had the same stick, that they often took the wrong one home from practice only to discover the next day that it wasn't theirs. i hate that kind of conformity. I'm going to change my new stick. perhaps it isn't much that a little spray paint cant fix. we'll see. ill upload pictures when i get around to doing something about it...

that is the end of my short deep thought of today, as i return to my guitar and the sweet lonely sound of my late night blues...

song: Pride and Joy - Stevie Ray Vaughn
mood: relaxed
inspirational quote: "Everyone sees who i appear to be, but only a few know the real me. You can only see what i choose to show, there's so much more you just don't know." - anonymous
funny quote: "WENCH - noun; a medieval pirate slut." - anonymous


Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Is It July Already?

I am so ready for the heat to end. for the last month we've had on and off rain and sun, and this week, the weather finally decided to act like its summer... just in time to almost give then entire team heatstroke. we had a game today for summer softball and we kicked serious ass! but it was WAY too hot out! playing catcher is normally a somewhat relaxing position because lets face it, I'm just playing catch with the pitcher! the short stop has to direct the infield, the center fielder has to direct the outfield, but i just get to play catch. its fun unless, like today you get a day when the sun shows its fury, and beats down onto the dusty diamond. its living hell playing catcher while under 10 pounds of gear squatting in the dust behind home plate. at any given breeze, you have to squint against swirling clouds of sand while you can feel beads of perspiration slide over your cheekbones. it is an excruciatingly horrible experience on a hot dry July day. on the bright side, some old friends came to the game, and it was great to see them because they're in college, and can only come back home on big holidays like winter break and summer vacation. the last time i saw them was over winter break when they came to Monday night softball practices in the gym, and worked us through our month long training.

My 'garage band' finally found a drummer so we can actually be a full band now! we have me on rhythm guitar, a friend on lead guitar, another friend singing (they wish to remain nameless), my old bassist friend, and this other guy we found for drums. we managed to cover a bunch of songs from several different genres of music as well as write a couple songs as well. our covered set list goes as follows: Blackbird - the Beatles; Crushcrushcrush - Paramore; Boulevard of broken dreams - Green Day; Wasted - LP; paradise city - Guns 'n roses; Anthem part 2 - Blink 182; and Outta my way - Damone. I know you haven't heard much about bassist-guy in a while, but we're still friends, and getting closer. i was over at his house for an alleged pizza/popcorn/action movie marathon night and his parents were away. technically we weren't supposed to be at the house, but we didn't really care. then his sister showed up and gave us a choice: go up to his room to watch movies, or stick around for the party she was going to throw. i suppose it was nice of her to offer us a choice in the first place considering she is older, but we chose to stay upstairs until people actually showed up and then we went downstairs. I don't remember much after that. the last thing i remember clearly was that we were the championship beer-pong team. i got dropped off at my house by the designated driver at around 1 in the morning. all in all, it was fun. =)

the fourth of July this year was just as awesome as other years. more in some ways than others. i took the train down to NYC with a couple of friends and we caught the subway to battery park for the free Conor oberst concert! it was great! then we watched fireworks on the Hudson from the roof of a random apartment building. it was amazing! then, as usual i set off a bunch of smaller fireworks! =)

in other news: i started taking classes at the art students league of new york! two days a week i will be taking the train downtown to take welding and metal-sculpting classes! =D it is SO cool! i love the feel of metalworking. the feeling that even though i am melting steel at 6000 degrees right in front of my face, i cant feel the heat coming off of it. from behind the green tinted welder's mask, all sound and temperature get blocked. you watch as silently the metal glows so brightly it turns white and then watch it cool into the shape you created. its beautiful. finally my parents trust me enough to let me take the train and subways by myself, and it feels great, being able to walk through grand central like: 'yeah. i know exactly where I'm going. try and stop me'

hmm... have to change something about my post format. its getting kind of old...

song: Outta my way - Damone
mood: content
inspirational quote: "I guess you are right. I am afraid. I am afraid to put my guard down. I am afraid that if you know all i am, you won't feel the same. And I am afraid that once my barrier is defeated, and i am comfortable, that you'll walk away." - anonymous
funny quote: "Everything happens for a reason... except clowns... i mean, seriously. WTF?" - anonymous


Friday, July 3, 2009


holy crap! I HAVENT POSTED IN FOREVER!!!! thank you, all of you who decided to put up with this bullshit from me, and told me to keep posting! you are awesome! i am a total jackass because i have absolutely no real excuse for not blogging in forever. (please forgive my language here, but im kinda pissed at myself) in other news: ITS SUMMER! im out of school, and am NO LONGER A FRESHMAN!! WHOOHOO! sophomore year, here i come! school sports were ok, softball season was fun. i think we came in first in our league. =D summer ball started up last week, and i have a game later today! my report card is SUPPOSED to be coming today, and frankly im a little scared. i dont know exactly what was going through my mind when i checked the little box on my transcriipt that said i would stay with the language latin throughout highschool, but i regret it. i dont think i did too well on that test... regents test scores are coming back, and ive been freaking ou about my biology grade. i want to do good so i can take AP bio without worrying. the fourth of july is tomorrow, and i have an ENTIRE bag of fireworks in he basement all ready for some friends of mine to come over and light! =) so please forgive me, and this summer with all my free time, i will be posting more. <=)